End of an Era

So today, I'm happy because it's Friday, of course. But I'm also a little sad, because this Friday has brought with it the end of an era.

Today was my son's final day at primary school before the summer holidays, and then high school in September. It was his last day ever as a pupil at Brookacre Primary School.

I'm not sure who is saddened more by this, him or me. He doesn't seem to be bothered, but I'm not sure if it has actually sunk in yet. For me, it heralds the end of his true childhood, and in a matter of months, my boy will have left behind all traces of that childhood as he struggles to fit in with a new school and peer group.

Maybe I am being a little too pessimistic about it all, but with good reason. I have few endearing memories of high school. A shy child who never felt like I fit in, those five years were the bane of my life, and I hated every minute. I can't even pinpoint exactly what it was I hated so much. I just didn't enjoy it, and couldn't wait to leave.

Of course, Ryan may be completely different to me, and he may enthusiastically embrace his life as a young adult with joy. I hope he does find it easy, I really do. I want him to enjoy his schooldays. I don't want him to wake each morning with a sickening feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach, and be forced to die a little more inside each day.

I know, I know. I'm being melodramatic. I guess what it really comes down to is that I don't want to lose my baby boy. Very soon, he will become a stroppy teenager and not want anything to do with his old mum, and I'm not sure how I will deal with that.

So really, I'm being pretty selfish in my thinking, and should be looking forward to this next stage in my son's life, ready to support him in his journey through teenager-hood, instead of imagining a hundred worse-case scenarios. And I am ready for that, I really am.

I'm just incredibly nostalgic for the old days, when he was my baby.

But, I need to soldier on. I can't turn into one of those unbearable mothers who mollycoddle their son's and turn them into Mummy's Boys. Although it is tempting…

I am kidding, of course. I have encountered one too many Mummy's Boys in my lifetime, and would never intentionally inflict that on any woman.

So at the end of this era, hot on the heels of a fantastic and highly emotional leaver's assembly at Brookacre this morning, where the children gave an exceptional performance and left many in tears, I will raise a glass to Ryan's primary school years and the teachers who have helped him develop into the young man he is today.

And no matter what any body tells me, he will always be my little boy.


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