I have to admit, I haven’t made a New Year’s resolution since my early twenties, as there didn’t appear to be anything I felt committed enough about to change. I never worried about my weight. I refused to give up cigarettes or alcohol. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than attending a gym or investing in an exercise regime that I had no intention of continuing.
In all honesty, this is the way I have meandered through my life so far. Rarely, if ever, taking charge and making changes. Embracing a laidback, drama-free approach to all of the things I don’t earn a wage for.
In 2018, all of this needs to change.
Yes, drama-free is hugely beneficial to my emotional health, so this is something I will attempt to continue with. Laidback, however, is not going to cut it anymore.
How many times have I let things go too easily because it seemed too difficult to achieve? When am I ever going to learn not to let self-doubt and a lack of confidence prevent me from going for the very things I want?
The only problem is, trying to force big changes on myself will just not work. I am far too stubborn for that, and will argue with my organised self over something my laidback self does not want to do.
My laidback self always wins. An easy life is so seductively inviting, whereas big changes mean that I will have to step out of my comfort zone.
I like my comfort zone, here with my books, and my cats, and my tea, and my wine. I’m in complete control here, and nothing happens to ruffle my feathers.
Of course, I could continue like this forever, but I won’t achieve any of my life goals that way. And I’m not 30 anymore. There isn’t a great deal of time left to be coasting along. I’m very nearly middle-aged, and I’m working as a part time payroll administrator for bosses who are younger than I am, and have far less managerial skills.
In short, I have settled for mediocre.
I can’t really complain. I am more than content; I love my life. But I don’t love my working life. And that’s a big deal for me. At home, I’m lazy and content. At work, I am hard-working, dynamic and ambitious, and am used to excelling at whatever I turn my hand to. Not being big-headed, but it’s true, and it uses up a lot of my energy. I love being a go-getter when I’m at work. Yet I’m wasting my abilities in a mediocre position working for a mediocre company.
Now, for those of you who are familiar with my blog, you will have heard my complaints about my job on many an occasion, so I apologise now. I’m like a stuck record that can’t quite find a way to skip out of that rut. I realise that only I can change that.
So, what steps can I take to improve my situation?
As I discussed earlier, big changes are something I am averse to. I tend to drag my feet at any level of change, so we are going to have to start with baby steps. I need to change my whole outlook on life, but one small step at a time. I need to motivate myself, and get rid of my self-doubt, but I need to do it little by little.
I’ve been inspired by the above quote by Albert Einstein to do something differently.
Rather than make a single resolution that I will discard within a week because it looks too daunting, I’m going to look at making small, achievable changes to my life and routine. And I’m going to make them fun, because I really am like a truculent child when it comes to disrupting my routine.
I’ll be back soon, once I’ve compiled my list. In the meantime, what are your New Years resolutions?