5 Tips For Staying Single (The Definitive Guide To Being Weird And Alone)

There are lots and lots of posts out there giving relationship advice, or “how to find love.” Some of us, however, don’t want to find love, date, be in a relationship, or even speak to the opposite sex, or anybody for that matter.

So what are the best ways to put men, or women, off you completely? I have to admit, I am an expert in this. Following on from a few dating disasters, and just everyday life working with idiots, I decided to give up on my love life completely, and have been steadily building sky-high walls ever since that nobody is ever going to consider scaling.

But do I never get lonely? Actually, no. I love my own company and have become strangely addicted to my drama-free life. If I want adult company then I can always initiate it, but why bother when I can spend time alone.

Don’t I miss being with someone? Nah, not really. I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’m quite an odd person who needs a lot of time to herself, and other people don’t always understand this. It has taken me a fair few years of relentlessly pushing people away to achieve this level of contentment and I’m not giving it up for anyone.

Sounds miserable and spinster-ish? Well yeah, I suppose it is to some people, but not to me. I can do what I want, when I want, with who I want – or with nobody, which is even better.

Here are my five pointers to putting people off you completely.

  1. Consistently ignore all attempts at communication via phone, email, WhatsApp, Facebook, whatever. In the end, they will get the message.
  2. If you notice somebody keeps throwing you one too many glances or trying to strike up a conversation, just start acting like they don’t exist. Yep, completely blank them. Unless they are some kind of persistent weirdo, they will give up sooner or later.
  3. Be deliberately foul or argumentative to the opposite sex. And never smile. Surefire way to put people off.
  4. Argue with yourself in public. This is a tad extreme but works wonders. Who wants to associate with the crazy freak who screams at herself in front of other people?
  5. Stop washing. Also extreme, but I assume it would work. I haven’t ever had to resort to this because my resting bitch face is enough to put the bravest of people off, but it’s certainly an option.

Good luck out there! And remember:

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