Time For Wine 🍷 #WeekendCoffeeShare

If you were joining me today for coffee, I would actually offer you wine. I’ve just opened a lovely shiraz, courtesy of Jacob’s Creek – probably the only creek I’d like to be stuck up without a paddle! Hehe! Too early for you? I will put the kettle on instead. 🙂

I have so much writing to do at the moment, yet I can only concentrate on one commitment at a time, which is annoying. I’m not posting nearly as much as I’d like to on this blog, plus I have a 700-1000 word article on dating in the wake of #MeToo to write for my freelance journalism course. Instead, I’ve been writing poetry.

Now I’m not claiming to be a brilliant poet, or even a poet full-stop. I just attempt to put words together in a pretty way and click post. I’m not sure it even works, but it appears to be my passion right now. If you’d like to, you can check out my ‘poetry’ over at Fragments of my Mind. It is pretty dark stuff, but I’m channeling from my darkest moments. People seem to relate to this stuff, on Facebook anyway.

My reasoning is, if I want to get something published soon-ish, then poetry may be the direction to head in – for now anyway. It doesn’t seem too difficult. However, the general public may have a different opinion!

I really do have to start/finish my article though, and pretty sharpish. I enrolled on the Professional Freelance Journalism course back in September 2016, and the article is only my second assignment. So I am embarrassingly behind, and it isn’t even funny anymore – not that it ever was. I need to pull my finger out, as they say. I may post it once I’ve completed it, and ask for feedback. So watch this space.

What is funny is the amount of ‘important’ things I find to do when I should be writing. Spring-cleaning seems to be very interesting at the minute, and it isn’t even spring. I’m also watching a lot of tv, mainly box sets on Netflix and Amazon Prime. I’m particularly loving Lucifer, Scream, Bates Motel, and Blue Planet 2. And I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here starts tonight, which is my favourite reality tv show. For those outside of GB, ten ‘celebs’ are dropped into the Australian rainforest and left to fend for themselves, while taking part in lots of yucky Bush Tucker Trials to win food for the camp. Expect snakes, huge spiders, and contestants eating kangaroo’s testicles. I kid you not! It’s brilliant!!

Anyway, I should go and carry on with/start my assignment. I’ll post it when it’s completed – any and all feedback will be greatly appreciated!

I hope your coffee was okay. I think I’m starting to get the hang of making a decent cup of coffee. Apologies if I’m deluded!

Enjoy the rest of your day! 💜

Monthly Overview – September

Yet again, it’s been a while since I posted, and my posts have recently been very few and far between. Again, I do not have a reason, apart from supreme lethargy. I have little motivation, energy, or enthusiasm for anything these days, and I definitely need to give myself a good kick up the backside! I am also behind with my monthly overview as we are now well into October. I have no excuses. Life has been particularly heavy-handed recently, both on my purse and on my emotions. I definitely seem to be having a stroke of bad luck. 

As with my August overview, I am hoping that, by listing my achievements and short-term future goals, I can boost my enthusiasm levels, but even now, a few lines into this post, I am racking my brain for one single achievement. Yes, it has been that bad. I can’t complain as I have a home, a job, a family that support me. Yet nothing seems to be going right. 

Okay, so I am going to apologise right now, before this goes any further. This has all the hallmarks of one of ‘those’ posts, the ones where I grumble and moan throughout. It could very well go in that direction as I am in a particularly pessimistic frame of mind today, so let’s do things a little differently this time. Instead of listing my achievements, I am going to list my failures, the things that haven’t gone too well. Let’s call them ‘happenings’, for want of a more neutral term.

My recent happenings:

  • I bought a PC bundle for my son’s birthday in October. He has been asking for one for a while now, and I decided to be ultra-organised by purchasing it in early September with plenty of time before the big day. While this may be an achievement of sorts, what transpired later (this last week) wasn’t. The PC doesn’t work; Windows 10 refuses to boot, and my son has yet to use his birthday present (it was his birthday on Tuesday). I am currently waiting for the company I purchased it from to email me back about fixing the problem, exchanging the product for something that works, or giving me a full refund. All very stressful.
  • My cat Masai didn’t seem his usual self in early September and I decided to take him to the vets to get checked over. They immediately admitted him to do a variety of tests and kept him in overnight on a drip and with a catheter attached. It appeared that he had a very full bladder as a result of cystitis. He came home the following morning with a week-long course of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories, and in a very bad mood. Poor thing.  Luckily, he is insured or else my purse would have suffered a lot more than it did.
  • My car went in for its MOT and failed. This happened in the same week as the above. As you can imagine, I wasn’t too happy with the way things were going back then.
  • Work seemed to be going okay.. that was until we were informed that we were being moved out of our cozy little room into the main office with all of the recruiters. I work as a payroll assistant for a recruitment agency. It is a fast-paced environment and we are often very busy. The quiet of the accounts office was ideal for getting on with our work. However, now we are out in the main office which is extremely noisy, with recruiters loudly talking on the phone and amongst themselves. Too much distraction. I honestly don’t understand the reasoning behind the move. It doesn’t make sense, and I’m not comfortable with it. Even more reason to find a new job.
  • My little blog hit 100 followers. Yay! Okay, now this is an achievement, although my lovely followers are now probably regretting their decision after reading my depressive ramble.
  • My smallest Facebook page, A Little Bit Of What You Like, is edging slowly towards the 60,000 mark, which makes me happy. It is by far my prettiest page.

  • Oh, and I nearly forgot! I completed the Memory Walk in Croxteth Hall Park, Liverpool, on September 3rd, and raised just over £100 for the Alzheimer’s Society. I even received a medal!

You may have noticed that I ended there with a couple of achievements, which is a result. I knew that by offloading my grievances, I would make room for those little gems to peep through the gloom. It’s sad that social media makes up a large portion of my achievements though, which isn’t entirely true. As I mentioned earlier, I have a home, a family I love. A job that I don’t really want, but which helps to pay the bills. And I walked for charity. Things could be worse.

Goals for October:

We are already well into October so my goals will be few. Looking back at my August overview, I didn’t really achieve any of the goals I set for myself, apart from the Memory Walk and the MOT (which didn’t go too well!)

  1. Get healthy. This is still a work in progress. I have cut out the bread apart from the odd sourdough sandwich, and I’m eating healthier snacks, such as oatcakes. Jogging will be resumed on Sunday mornings around Risley Moss. Slow and steady steps.
  2. Seriously think about my career. I’ve been talking about it for two years, ever since I took voluntary redundancy, but I’m still no closer to a happy work life. I know I have to work at it. I just need to motivate myself.
  3. Get this PC fixed. On Monday, I will be on the phone to the seller in an attempt to get it sorted. I am no IT expert and I certainly didn’t expect to purchase a product that wasn’t fit for purpose, so I’m determined to get a positive result next week. For my son just as much as for the sake of my stress levels.
  4. Organise days out for my week off. Half term week is fast approaching, and I have time off work to spend with my son. I’d like to arrange some fun yet frugal activities to keep us both entertained. I’ll try looking on https://www.dayoutwiththekids.co.uk/things-to-do/north-west/cheshire/warrington for some ideas. We also like to visit http://www.lymmvillage.co.uk/about/landmarks/lymm-dam for a walk and an ice-cream, and to feed the ducks.

So that’s my September overview – better late than never! Hopefully, October’s will be delivered on time. 

Writers Block

Well, I started this blog with the best of intentions. I meant to write regularly; if not daily then at least every other day. And I had such ideas of subjects to write about.. I was extremely excited about it all. And then, all of a sudden, my writing mojo left me. I don’t know where it went. I didn’t even feel it leave. One day it was there, next day it had disappeared. Gone, in the blink of an eye.

This has happened to me so often over the years. It is the main reason I have never been able to consistently keep a diary or journal. It is probably the reason why my book fell by the wayside, amidst the turmoil of real life. I lose motivation. I don’t lose the desire, oh no! Writing has always been a very big part of who I am, and the biggest dream of who I want to be. I don’t think I will ever lose that desire. But I find it difficult to get past that block, when I have been working all day and my mind is churning with endless lists of things I want to do and thinks I have to do. I just can’t find the energy to write.

It makes me wish that I had more time on my hands to indulge in my passion. But then, I suppose many others are in a similar position to me. Who wants to work a full-time job when there are so many better things to do? Who wants to work their fingers to the bone in some dead end job when we could be out there, chasing those elusive dreams? We would all love to work fewer hours if we had the chance. Unfortunately, we still need to pay the bills and put food on the table. Eventually, those elusive dreams become impossible memories as we work more and more hours to make ends meet, and become embroiled in workplace politics and potential promotions. That dream you were so adamant about chasing becomes a distant memory.

This kind of thing has coloured my writing history throughout the years. But now, at 41, I want to chase that dream, I want to catch it and fulfil my writing desires. Life begins at 40, apparently, but it doesn’t just drop into your lap. You have to fight for it. If only my mind would stop creating obstacles that appear too daunting and thus dampen my enthusiasm.

I admit, I am still finding my feet here on WordPress, and my blogs will often appear as rambling soliloquies. But all the better to improve my writing consistency – if it’s on my mind, I will write about it. Thanks for the follow!

My Biggest Dream

For much of my life, I have always dreamt of being a published writer. When I was a kid, I constantly had a pony story on the go, scribbling away in an exercise book with tales of girls whose ultimate dream was to own a horse of their own, and who had their wish granted. I guess it was a way of acting out my own fantasies.

These tales were left unfinished though, because my biggest enemy and greatest critic has always been myself. I could toil away passionately in my exercise book for a good week, filling hundreds of pages, yet the following week I would re-read and hate it all. And then the editing would begin, until I had lost all enthusiasm. And the budding bestseller was no more.

I still yearn to really make a go of a writing career, but the stresses and strains of real life get in the way far too frequently these days. I rarely feel the passion that I used to, when my potential book would constantly be on my mind, and I would scribble down ideas on scraps of paper while I was in work. Life wasn’t the easiest during my twenties and early thirties, and I eventually became disillusioned. There was no time to write stories – I was struggling to get through real life as it was.

These days, I no longer feel like I have a voice that people would want to hear. I no longer have that story within me, itching to get out, and this saddens me because writing is what I want to do.

So what has changed?

My biggest dream is no longer to write. Yes, my burning ambition is to become a writer. But my biggest dream is to be happy, to get my sense of passion and romance back, and to believe in life. I want to feel that stardust in my soul again, when my creativity spilled out in an unconstrained tumble of words and ideas.

My biggest dream is to get *Me* back.